He sighs out his latest drag, and proceeds to tell you that the thing eating at him most shouldn’t be eating at him at all, because it really wasn’t a big deal, and you shrug. ”Doesn’t matter. If it’s eating you, it’s eating you, you know? No matter how big or small the issue is.”
After a deep breath, he continues and tells you what the thing was. You’re honestly surprised— you don’t know what you had been expecting, but that had definitely not been it. Processing what he’d just said as he covers his eyes, you stare forward with the cigarette dwindling between your fingers. ”What is it about this that has you upset?” Thinking it over yourself, he was right. It had been a year now since the beginning of this mess, since he developed his feelings and you developed yours, since they were confessed and heartfelt kisses were shared for the first time. ”…You’re right,” You reluctantly acknowledge, “It caused us problems then, and it’s causing us problems now. It’s been a year and we’re still in the same situation.”
>you tell karkat about how you probably shouldn’t be worried at all or anything, or how it shouldn’t be eating at you but is anyways, and he shrugs it off, saying that it doesn’t matter how big or small it is, because it’s eating you. you shrug.
>after you take a deep breath, you proceed to explain to him, and he seems surprised. when you finish explaining, he questions you as to why it has you upset, or what about it does. you rub out the butt of the cigarette, finished with one for now. a short smoke with long drags. if you were gonna be talking, and you had a feeling it was going to be a bit, you might as well stop there. if you wanted one again later, all you had to do was pull out the pack. you can sort of feel the same emotions you’d been feeling recently, well, kind of bubble up, as you think about it. you being to explain a slight shake to your voice.
i don’t know? i guess how i’m conflicted about everything — have been, and still am. how it’s causing issues, and has been for a year. how i’m just… i’m hurting you and i’m hurting dave — or how i will end up doing so.
>you laugh sadly.
i’m so weak, god. i hadn’t even told him when i said i would back a few months ago, when he still had all his memory in tact.
>you rub your eyes, trying to keep them dry and prevent yourself from crying. you don’t know how well it’ll work, because the odds of it working were kind of iffy sometimes, but you were just trying so hard not to cry again. you feel like you cry too much, and feel that it bugs other people. then karkat talks about how you were right in the issues thing, and he reluctantly agrees with you on that. you sigh and look down.
there’s just so many issues that have been caused or are still happening because of this, and i just. i feel like an idiot, karkat, and i feel like no one should trust me. i’m untrustworthy, especially since this isn’t even the first time this has happened. i don’t understand how you trust me or put up with me, or what you see in me.